Before I met my husband, I did not believe that enduring love was a possibility or even real. Sure I’ve read the scriptures, sure I’ve seen the movies, and even heard of love stories. But, I never thought that I could feel or have an enduring love. My experience with love was conditional and full of trying so hard to be loved by let’s be honest by people who did not have the capacity or the ability to love others.
It was after I relocated to the Twin Cities that I had had it. I needed a different approach to me and a different approach to being in relationships. I finally got serious about working on me. Who was I in these relationships and who was I seeking and finding in the relationships?I found a fabulous counselor and got to work discovering and learning about the real “me.” I began to piece together my life story – all the hurts, all the sorrows and I began to see patterns in the relationships. With my awareness then came a choice – who do I want to be and who can I be my best and broken self – who will love and accept me warts and all? Not an easy thing to do – to love someone for ALL of who they are. Who has this capacity to love unconditionally?
I found a fabulous counselor and got to work discovering and learning about the real “me.” I began to piece together my life story – all the hurts, all the sorrows and I began to see patterns in the failed relationships. With my awareness then came a choice – who do I want to be and who can I be my best and broken self? Who will love and accept me warts and all? Not an easy thing to do – to love someone for ALL of who they are. Who has this capacity to love unconditionally?
Along with therapy came another shift, for me this was surrendering my needs in prayer. Laying all my brokenness and needs at the feet of the cross was huge. Letting go of the need to have all the answers and being open to where God leads me took me places I never could have dreamed of. Letting go or surrendering was a significant shift, and I noticed not only in my search for relationships but also in my being as a human. With this shift, I went from reading the scriptures with my head to reading the scriptures with my whole being and finding God’s presence. As I read, I would imagine myself sitting with Him and soaking in His love. I imagine marinating in an enduring love that is unconditional. It is a love that shines the light illuminating those dark places bringing healing and wholeness.
As I sit here today some twenty years later getting ready to celebrate my anniversary with the dear husband, I give thanks for all the heart break. For without those tough spots, I never would have discovered the love of my life. I give thanks for those difficult years, that challenged me to shed what I held onto so tightly. For in the healing of the heart breaks, I was able to grow and find a mate that loves me with an enduring and unconditionally love, and for that, I am eternally grateful every single day.
As I continue my journey, I am for ever grateful for a Heavenly Father that loves me enough to shine a light on the places in my heart and soul that I try to hide from others. It is humbling having a husband in my life that loves me with an enduring and unconditional love even though many times I am not deserving. It is humbling to be loved by a Creator that loves me with a love that can bear all things and endure all things.
Today, I encourage you to lay your burdens down and let go of the need to be in charge. Try letting go. Try letting the Big Guy have a shot at it. Go to His Word and find Him. Spend time with Him and see what is illuminated in your heart and soul. Be open to what you might be able to let go to make space for an enduring love.
1 Corinthians 13:7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.